Some of the voices in my head, part I

The saying goes that you are the sum of the five people closest to you in your life. I’d say that’s probably a useful idea in some contexts (changing your habits, getting support for your goals) and really harmful in others (like abusive relationships or feeling trapped in a job or career you don’t want).

But one thing I know for sure is that what I read, watch and listen to on a regular basis determines largely the quality of my experiences, along with the self-care and optimism I allow myself on any given day. If you’re interested, here are a few of the voices that I love and that help me to remember this world is a good place and there are always people paying attention:

Ashley C. Ford

Ashley reminds me that all of the things I try to hide about myself are the things I should actually be broadcasting loudly to the world. The first time I read her writing, it felt so real to my own thoughts that I lost a good three hours diving into as much of her work as I could find. One of my favorites was about living like you’re 40 in your 20s.

It’s nearly impossible to not feel happy watching this video of a talk she gave at the 99u conference earlier this year, where she struts around the stage with her colorful overalls and a giant grin. And when she starts telling her story you will be riveted (her talk starts at 2:22).

Austin Kleon

Austin’s blog is one that I read every. single. day. without. fail. He has such an earnest and authentic voice, and a great eye for digging up the magical within the seemingly mundane. He calls himself a writer who draws, and he embodies the kind of “I’m-this-but-also-this-and-a-little-of-that-too-and-look-how-they-all-complement-each-other” career trajectory that I admire and that inspires me to step out of my comfort zone. He’s written a series of books about creativity that are small in stature but packed with so much great wisdom and real talk, in a fun and friendly voice. I met him recently on his book tour and he is as nice and down to earth in person as I imagined he would be. I think anyone who is looking to embrace more creativity in their lives should read as much as they can from Austin, but here are a few recent favorites: Operational Transparency, his podcast interview with Crafty Ass Female, and below, the hilarious What we did when you went to bed.

I’ll be writing more later this month about some of Austin’s ideas that have inspired me. Can’t wait to dig in to that!

Heather Havrilesky

Heather writes the Ask Polly advice column for New York magazine. If you’ve never read it, it’s less Dear Abby and more a weekly essay-length dive into the human psyche in a sometimes uncomfortable, often poignant and always honest fashion. Heather rips off the Band-aid from the wound you thought you were hiding so well from the world, and then proceeds to console you with the harsh yet comforting reality that yes, it was totally obvious this whole time, but no one was paying any attention to it anyway. Then she gives you the advice you need to hear, about taking care of yourself, admitting your limitations as a human, and realizing it’s okay to ask for what you need. Here’s an excerpt from a recent column where an overworked reader lamented that wanting to leaving their job to focus on law school made them feel like a “quitter” and that they were ashamed when they got a full 8 hours of sleep a night when they should be getting more done:

You are killing yourself. Do you hear me? And you need to stop that. You have a body with limits. Live inside of it. Listen to it. You are here to enjoy your life. That is your first job.

So train your head to say new things. Be relentless about THAT. This is not a choice between torturing yourself with 100 hours of work a week and turning into a useless quitter on the couch. It’s a choice between happiness and self-destruction. Stop destroying yourself, and start honoring your feelings and your heart.

She recently published a book of essays, which I haven’t read yet but am dying to dig into. And for those of us who like a bit (or in this case a truckload) of sarcasm with our advice, she’s started a newsletter written by Ask Polly’s evil twin sister, Ask Molly. This lady has many layers and I love them all.

Finally, Nadine Stair…or at the least the idea of her

There’s a poem that makes the rounds on the internet now and again, attributed to an 85-year old Louisville woman named Nadine Stair. But Nadine Stair did not write the poem, nor did Nadine Stair likely ever exist at all. Wikipedia says the earliest version of the poem was written by American humorist Don Herald in the 1930s, then published in Readers’ Digest in 1953. It was later translated into Spanish and passed around in email chains, where it was often incorrectly attributed to the Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges. When it was finally included in an anthology of writing about women and aging, the fictitious Nadine Stair was listed as the author in order to make it appeal to female readers.

Now, I have no idea what is or isn’t true about the history of this poem, but it really doesn’t matter to me. It’s just a lovely poem that inspires me. And it’s a great reminder that not only should you pay attention to the voices you let into your head, you should also pay attention to what those voices inspire you to DO and to BE.

Here is a modern version of the poem:

If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.

Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else- just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.

– Nadine Stair

It’s Sunday night, and the work week starts tomorrow for many of us. Just remember, when you head back out into the world, that you may not always be able to choose the people around you, but you can absolutely choose the voices you let into your head. Feel free to borrow some of mine, or tell me about your favorites in the comments!

-Jenna