On the morning of the Women’s March in January 2017, I was not out with the crowds holding a protest sign. I was in the emergency room having a panic attack.
A few months later, I was watching a talk show where the hosts were playing Two Truths and a Lie with some celebrity guests. If you’ve never played, here’s how it works: someone tells you three statements, two which are truthful and one which is a lie, and you have to guess which one is the lie. There were five people playing the game on the show, in three rounds, and not one of them guessed the lie in any round.
I easily guessed all three of the lies correctly, and I wondered why everyone on the show had…so much trouble?
There were signs! One person changed their tone of voice when saying the lie. Another made his lie much more specific than the truths. And in the final round, I could tell that the guest had started with a truthful statement to make it seem believable, but had embellished it with a lie at the end. It was so easy for me to see what was happening that I couldn’t imagine how none of the other guests or hosts had noticed.
But that’s how life works, isn’t it? We see other people’s talents as important and big, but our own as silly, simple and commonplace.
I’m an introvert. Every day, I take in tons of information about the world around me, and then I need alone time to process it. I read, I listen, I watch, and (hopefully!) I write. I understand human nature and I can see things others cannot, and I want to use that ability to help people and improve the world around me.
But right now, those with loud voices are screaming for change (or against it), and it can feel like the world does not have the time nor the space for the type of gifts an introvert can give. Every day I read invitations to join a protest or a rally. I see activists confronting politicians and demanding to be heard. I am so grateful for their work, and yet those kinds of actions feel overwhelming and out of character to me as an introvert. I feel guilty that I’m not making more of an obvious impact, and that I can’t “put aside” my personality for important causes. In the past, I would resolve to change this, and then a few days later feel completely burned out from acting in a way that doesn’t reflect who I really am.
But trying to deny your gifts is never the way to bring about change in the world. If you are an introvert like me, and struggle with how to both make a difference in the world and still be true to yourself, here are some things that might help:
- Don’t assume other people see the same things that you see. THEY DO NOT.
- Stop thinking others are more qualified than you. They’re not. They’re just louder.
- Pay attention to your community – Your gifts of attention, empathy and intuition are important to those around you. You can make so much impact one-on-one with another person, whose pain or trauma may be too hidden for most to see. But you have an ability to hold space for others, to listen without immediate action, judgement or expectation. Do not underestimate how important this is. I think if there is one place in which an introvert should push themselves to growth, this is it. Reach out to those around you (one-on-one, in person or through your writing). Use your ability to see deeper truths to help connect with others and be an outlet for growth and change on a personal level.
- Help others make sense of information, and to see patterns and systems of thought they may miss. One great tactic is to find a friendly extrovert with an open mind and tell them all about your ideas and the things you see. They can help spread your ideas and amplify your voice.
- Practice sharing your gifts. This might be challenging at first, but it is absolutely possible. And the more you practice, the easier it will become. Writing is a great way to begin (this post is me walkin’-the-walk, my friends!).
- Don’t look back. Don’t judge yourself on your first efforts, your worst efforts, or your non-efforts. Pick one thing you can change and be in the moment in this ONE thing. Remind yourself that it is enough. It is everything.
“The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”
-David W. Orr
It’s okay if you get anxious in crowds. It’s okay if you feel nervous to call your senator. Maybe one day you will do these things, or maybe not. Either way, you are important and your gifts are important, and you need to get comfortable using them. You can answer the call to action in YOUR OWN VOICE, quiet though it may be. The world needs you, just as you are.
P.S. If you’re looking for some introvert kindred spirits (besides me!), here are a few: